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All articles here are written by Melinda Briana Epler (that's me!) unless otherwise noted. I'm a documentary filmmaker, writer, and experience designer - I've dedicated my life to living a sustainable lifestyle and helping others do the same. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions or thoughts for articles. Welcome!
I was at a beautiful vineyard hotel overlooking the Columbia River Gorge for a weekend retreat. There, midway through a hot stone massage session, I found myself thinking, “boy, she’s not the greatest massage therapist.” And internally I gasped.
Here I am splurging for myself on my 40th birthday, so that I can get some much needed R&R… and I’m not even letting myself enjoy it. I’m judging it. I’m wondering if I should have picked a different massage. I’m thinking over and over about my disappointment in myself, the massage therapist, and the situation.
And then I looked around. The place was beautiful, candles were lit all around me, there was a faint scent of clay and aroma therapy oils. I was about to have an amazing dinner with an amazing husband in a beautiful little winery with a fabulous view.
I’ve worked very hard over the last 3 years just to make ends meet. Finally my hard work was beginning to pay off – socially, enivornmentally and economically. At long last I was able to reward myself and recharge.
And, well it’s high time to reward myself and recharge!
So I stopped my thoughts and repeated a few times in my head, “Just be… without judgement.” After which I proceeded to just be, where I was right then, receiving a pretty good massage from a very nice woman.
And I relaxed. I enjoyed the moment for the good things it had to offer. I accepted the massage she was offering me and allowed it to heal me in whatever way it could.
Leaving Judgement Behind
When I was in the Arizona desert this winter, I found myself standing between a horse and a world reknowned psychotherapist. I was judging this man’s cowboy boots and hat, his aloof mannner, his psychotherapy jargon, his way of trying to get under my skin. And then I realized he had – he was under my skin, digging up details I needed to surface, uncovering things about myself that I needed to face. He was, in fact, quite brilliant.
I falsely judged a good man. The guilt I felt afterwards was shocking.
An hour later I walked a labyrinth as a meditation practice. This particular practice involved picking a rock from outside the labyrinth, mentally attaching to it something you were ready to leave behind, walking the labyrinth in meditation, leaving that rock in center, and mentally bringing something out in its place.
It’s a very simple but very powerful practice. I didn’t know what I wanted to take back in its place, but I knew I wanted to leave judgement behind. As I meditated around the labyrinth, it came to me so very clearly: I wanted to replace judgement with compassion.
Compassion
Judgement’s counterpart for me is compassion. In the case above, this means compassion for the cowboy therapist who was trying desperately to relate to me – a city girl with a chip on her shoulder – so that he could help me, and do his job well.
And compassion for myself. Self-compassion. Because I could really use this man’s help to get to the next stage in my own awareness and happiness. Because as much as I devote my life and work to helping others, I need to make sure I’m healthy as well – I need to nourish myself so that I can nourish others.
Presence
It isn’t easy to give up judgement. I can probably never completely get rid of it, nor would I want to. But I can get much closer, I can be much healthier in my relationship with people and with the present moment.
And it takes time because you have to retrain yourself.
I read recently that you judge yourself the way you were judged by others when you were young. It’s just how you learn.
So maybe you were never quite good enough, never made the right decisions, were always in danger of getting fat… Maybe this will help you as it has helped me: think for a moment about how you were judged when growing up, ask yourself whether or not it might still be the way you judge yourself today.
I believe we also develop early habits of judging others as well, and they’re often very similar to how we judge ourselves. That other person isn’t good enough at what they do, they don’t make the right decisions, they are in danger of getting fat,… whatever it is for you, see if you judge others that way also.
I’ve found that the key to beginning to change is to be present in the moment, so that I can observe my thoughts and actions – plus learn and grow from what is happening now. This requires presence without judgement, of course (you can’t fight judgment with judgement!) – and presence with compassion.
My personal mantra has changed for me a bit since my 40th birthday. It is now, proudly:
I avoided neti pots for years. Until this past year – when I made it my goal to fully eliminate my asthma medications. Years ago I never would have thought that would be remotely possible, but now I’m really close!
I’ve been slowly making lifestyle changes over the years that have brought me from a high point of seven medications (at high doses) to the lowest dose of just one medication.
You’ll notice the neti pot wasn’t on that list of 25 – at the time of writing that post, I was down to 2 medications. Now I’m down to one!
I eliminated the nasal steroid three months ago, and replaced it with the neti pot.
I’m not a doctor, expert, etc, etc – so be safe and careful. Take it slow. Listen to your body. Talk to your doctors. And definitely do not decrease nor go off your meds if your asthma is not under control.
Other Benefits Of The Neti Pot
Washes away dust, pollen, smog, and other irritants.
Rinses out extra mucus.
Serves as an antidote for dry nasal passages (sometimes this is particularly bad in the winter).
Reduces sinus pressure and the risk for sinus infections.
Relieves some symptoms of colds and flu.
Allows your breaths to be easier, less inhibited, fuller.
What Neti Pot To Buy
I have a Himalayan Institute Eco Neti Pot. It’s $10-15 in my local health food store. My pot is made of “bioplastic” and is biodegradable. It’s also super light so I take it when I travel.
There are a number of different types out there. The woman at my health food store suggested for the first time that I use one that is plastic and light-weight. Apparently the ceramic ones are a little more difficult to maneuver because they’re heavier. In retrospect I don’t think it makes that big a difference.
How To Use The Neti Pot
It is amazingly simple.
What You’ll Need
Neti pot
Non-iodized salt
Warm water (more or less body temperature)
1/4 teaspoon
Steps
Wash your neti pot with warm soap and water before first use and after each use.
Fill the pot with warm water. The water should be around body temperature, so when you feel it with your finger, it should not feel cold or hot. Added: Many people use straight from the tap but to be completely safe I use filtered water, you can use distilled as well. There may be water-born diseases – not to mention chlorine! – in tap water.
Mix in 1/4-1/2 teaspoon salt. Be sure to use non-iodized salt without additives or anti-caking agents. You can buy “neti pot salt” – some are sea salt with more minerals in them and thus feel more mild (I like them better). Start with 1/4 teaspoon on your first try, but then experiment – you may find you like a little bit more. I use somewhere in between 1/4 and 1/2.
Lean your face forward over the sink, and then tilt your head to the right. I was terrified I was going to do this wrong the first time! But really, it’s ok if you don’t have this “right” – you’re not going to screw it up and you’ll get a feel for this quickly.
Place the neti pot spout inside your right nostril. Make sure you form a seal with your nostril so it doesn’t leak.
Breathe through your mouth. Don’t forget to breathe – oxygen is important!
Tilt the pot until water starts to pour out of your left nostril. Keep pouring until the pot is empty. I usually have to pause about half-way through to gently blow out the water and gunk, and then I start pouring again.
Relax your neck and shoulders. No other instructions say this, but boy I tense up when I’m trying to do this right. Relax – it’s not that hard, you won’t screw it up (and if you do it doesn’t really matter), there’s no reason to be tense.
Repeat #2-8 on the other side.
Exhale through both nostrils into the sink, and then gently blow your nose. The pot came with instructions to do crazy hand-to-toe exercises afterwards. I found a couple gentle blows of the nostrils is good.
If you want to watch a video of someone doing it, here is a video. Just ignore adding the extra drops and such – multiple websites, books and health care professionals say you don’t need it. (Try it if you want, but it seems like an unnecessary cost to me.)
That’s It!
Not so bad, eh? Do you use a neti pot? If not, will you give it a try?
Matt and I are beginning a 28-day cleanse today that will last through the month of January 2012. Some of you followed our cleanse last year. This year will be similar, but I will also be focusing on a more spiritual detox in additional to the physical one.
Physical Body Detox
We’ll be using the Clean method to create our daily menus, supplements and physical activity. We’ve looked at a few others, but found that this one works best for us.
If you’re thinking about a cleanse or detox, my advice is to peruse a few different options and then settle on one. Make sure it is something you can follow through on, and one that is healthy.
But otherwise, don’t think too much about it – just do it. You can always modify slightly along the way to better fit your needs, goals and lifestyle. And no matter what cleanse you do, you’re going to be more detoxed at the end than you were at the beginning!
At the least, a physical cleanse focuses on what you put in your body in order to allow your body to better detoxify. In addition, may focus on supplements, physical activity, sweating, hot-cold baths, skin brushing and more. Try as much as feels comfortable, and add on as you go if you start feeling more comfortable.
It’s your body, your program. Do what feels good to you.
Mental and Spiritual Detox
In addition to the physical body detox, I’ll be working on a mental and spiritual detox this year. What does that mean? Well, honestly I’m going to find out as I go! Based on my 2012 goals, here’s where I’m starting…
Classes
I’m going to begin by taking a few classes at local yoga studios:
A weekend intensive Intro to Pranayama Series
A weekly Pranayama Series
An Introduction to Meditation Series
A Sangha Meditation Series
In addition, I will probably drop in on a few yoga nidra classes, as well as warm yoga classes.
Walking Meditation
As you probably know, I walk to work every day – about 3 miles of walking in total. When I was at Miraval in December, I took a class on breath walking. I won’t say it’s as powerful as guided sitting or laying meditation, but it is certainly helpful to slow my blood pressure and clear my mind!
So I’ll be doing that regularly, either to or from work – or both.
Reading
I’m currently reading Wherever You Go, There You Are. I believe a couple of you recommended it to me a year ago, and it has come up since then several times. So finally I’m taking the hint! :)
I’m also thinking about reading Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life. I’ve heard good things about the author and it looks right in line with my cleanse.
Writing
As you saw in my Plans for 2012, my goal is to write regularly again. I had a breakthrough yesterday that writing, cleansing and positive personal change go hand-in-hand! So now I have a bigger reason to write.
So my goal is to work up to daily writing again. That could mean a blog post here, a blog post at my professional blog, a journal entry, or just jotting down some profound thoughts on a napkin.
What Do You Think?
Anyone have ideas for good books/activities I should try?
Or… Have you done this before? Do you think I’m nuts?
I had a transformative vacation the week before Christmas. I left Seattle thinking I was headed to a sunny resort for a little R&R, and I returned a week later quite changed. Wonderfully changed.
Matt and I went to Miraval. I’d never been to a resort before – never felt I could or should. But this one was different. The tag line is “you won’t find you anywhere else.” I admittedly scoffed at it when I first heard it. But I did begin to find me there.
I spent a week being me, investigating me, and nurturing me. I cleaned the feet of horses, meditated using many different methods, faced some of my fears, allowed my emotions to be raw and exposed….
I also did Chi Gong, Reiki, Thai massage, Shiatsu, Ayurvedic therapy, psychotherapy integrating a horse (!), Gin Shou Tui Na (incorporating cranial sacral massage with a Chinese balancing massage), a full Chi journey, and Chi Nei Tsang (an abdominal “massage”).
I couldn’t begin to tell you the details all in one post (I may go through some of those experiences in other posts if you’re interested), but suffice it to say that I am renewed, reinvigorated, and rebalanced – taking life a little differently, a little more thoughtfully, and with greater awareness and presence.
For this reason, I wanted to lay out my New Year Goals before the 1st, so that I can enter 2012 with full intentions.
My 2012 Personal Goals
Increase My Energy Levels with:
exercise
nutrition
meditation & self-compassion
balance & alignment
Increase My Strength:
physically
mentally
emotionally
Increase My Self Knowledge by finding comfort, forgiveness and hope in:
the past
the present
the future
My 2012 Professional Goals
Create a Five-Year Plan.
Aggregate all I know and do into a System that can be replicated.
Grow my business by 20%, following a specific Growth Plan.
My 2012 Citizen Goals
Have a book outline complete by the end of the year.
Become a regular writer.
Work diligently in the garden:
as a neighborhood citizen.
as an educator and inspirer.
as a healthy human being.
My 2012 Guiding Principles
Compassion - for myself and others – without judgement.
Continuous presence - being, growing, and learning from each present moment.
Self-healing – allowing myself those important moments to grow, love and recharge.
What I’m Striving Toward for the Long-Term
Solid personal direction, compassion and resilience.
Forgiveness for what doesn’t matter, empathy and strength for what does, and shining hope for what will become.
Professionally, my every moment has importanceand leads toward positive global impact.
I look forward to 2012 with open arms. I think it’s going to be a good year!
How about you?
What are your goals, big or small?
Will you make yourself a list of goals or a Wellness Plan this year? You’re welcome to use the outline I’ve created to begin!
I remember when my mother turned forty. Back then, in the 80s, they called it “over the hill” and had black-themed party decorations and cards about how close to dead you already were.
When my mom turned 40 I was a teenager. I can’t even imagine what that would be like, to have a teenage daughter right now. She had also owned 3 houses by the time she turned 40. First she had a career as a teacher, and then she became a full-time mom. My dad had had the same job for close to 20 years. They were settled.
I live in an apartment – one in a series of rentals throughout the US over the last 20 years. I’ve been married for just 5 years, my husband is in school. I’ve got 3 degrees (nearly 4), I’ve worked in several industries and am making my way in a new one.
A client asked me the other day how long I’ve had my own company. I had to stop and think. “I’ve never done anything else,” I said. And he replied, “Wow, I’ve never met a serial entrepreneur before!”
I’ve never thought of myself as that. It’s just what I do. The epitome of what I do is unsettled. And impermanent.
This year my grandfather turned 100, and he too has been doing quite a bit of reflecting. I think there are points in our lives that society tells us are milestones. For me it was 14, 25 and 40. So far.
“I’m gonna be forty!” Meg Ryan. “When?” Billy Crystal. “Someday!” Meg Ryan. When I was young I watched that scene in “When Harry Met Sally” and thought 40 was such a distant future.
Why 40? I think it’s because when you’re younger you see 40 year olds as true adults. Old adults. People middle-aged, heading for retirement. People who have figured out where they’re headed in life and they’re on their way there.
So it’s only natural when you get to that age finally, to ask yourself “am I headed there?” If you then ask yourself “where?” it seems like maybe you have a problem. I don’t know where I’m headed. Am I headed in the right direction? I think so. I never dreamed it would be such a circuitous route though!
I’ve done a lot. I have worked with children in multiple capacities and ages (art camps, soccer refereeing, drug and alcohol recovery, day camps, housing projects). I’ve worked myself up in the film industry – first as a set decorator and art director and then as a documentary filmmaker. I’ve created multiple behavior change campaigns – for asthma, microfinance, sustainability, civic engagement and exercise. I’ve been founding member of a startup. And failed. And have done it again. I’ve helped multiple corporations and governments to plan and innovate over the next 10 years. And I’ve helped several successful startups get off the ground.
Oh, and I’ve written a blog. For 3 years. And as I hear from readers, it sounds like I’ve made a true impact here. (Thank you, for all of you, who have told me this – it means a great deal and keeps me writing!)
So here’s the whammy: I feel I’ve only just begun. I have a lot of life left to live, a lot to do with all the knowledge and skills I’ve picked up over the years.
And I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to yet. Not by a long shot. I want to create substantial positive change in the world. It’s what I set out to do back around the time my mom turned 40.
I don’t know how to get there. I don’t feel like I’m middle-aged, certainly not close to heading for retirement. I wonder how a teenager would view me now.
Is it all in the perception, or is the world different now?
Hello! Long time no see – I’ve missed you all. I apologize for my lengthy absence! I have been working on me, as I promised you at the beginning of the year.
I realized almost a year ago that I needed to rethink how I was treating My soul, My lungs, My body, My relationship, and My mind. I wasn’t nurturing myself and I was taking my self for granted. As a result, I wasn’t very healthy.
Re-Visiting My Wellness Plan
In January, here’s what I said: By the End of the Year I Hope To…
Lift my arms over my head! How am I doing? Well, at the beginning of the year, I couldn’t get much past lifting my arms to straight in front of me. So sad! And now I have just a few degrees to go before I can lift them all the way over my head. That’s due to stretching, yoga, and an amazing massage therapist who has helped cut through years of scar tissue in my frozen shoulders.
Learn to live happily gluten-free. I’m still gluten-free and getting used to asking about ingredients in stores and restaurants. I’ve even started becoming dairy free this month. My body LOVES it. I was a size 8 in January. Now I’m a size 2. I actually haven’t lost a lot of weight, most of it has been inflammation.
Figure out my next career step. I’m getting a whole lot closer. I now have several clients who are all doing amazing work – it’s extremely gratifying to help them do their work better, and I’m feeling increasingly empowered and effective as a consultant. You can see what I’m doing here. Every week my feet are more firmly planted in the consulting and storytelling world, and my stress level decreases.
Reduce my medications for asthma to just the rescue inhaler. I have reduced my asthma meds over the years from seven down to just one now, aside from the rescue inhaler. I got rid of 2 of them just this year. I think it’s going to take a little longer than I expected, but I have confidence that I’ll be able to get rid of that one too in 2012.
Exercise regularly. I walk to work every day – that’s about 2 miles a day. I was doing yoga about 4-5 days/week until I injured myself. Since then I’ve been working back up to yoga by doing a few gentle or Yin classes, plus stretching and exercises. I am going to take a few private classes so I can learn to modify my practice to take better care of my body. So I still hope by the end of the year I’ll be back to doing yoga regularly.
Increase my number of social interactions. I have done this. Some. Though I get busy. And lazy. Still. I am saying “yes” more!
Decrease my number of negative thoughts, words, and actions. I could work on this for the rest of my life, for sure. I am a little better than at the beginning of the year, but this is one that needs revisiting and recommitting.
Have a healthy garden we regularly eat from. Since we moved closer to our p-patch, I have done a much better job of keeping it up. The neck and arm pain has kept me from being the star gardener this year, but I am excited for the spring. I think it’s going to be a good garden season. And we have winter crops growing now, too.
Write more, and write about the things I want to write about. Harumph. As you can see, I have neglected my writing. The arm and neck injuries again have been a big culprit. But I have confidence it will be coming back over the next couple of months as the pain subsides and strength reforms.
Spend more time outside of work with my family. Yes – I’ve done this!! Hooray! It has been incredibly enjoyable. And one thing I didn’t have on my wellness plan but is becoming increasingly clear is the importance of spending time with myself outside of work. I’ve learned to do that quite a bit more as well.
Become more in touch with my physical and mental wants and needs. Yes, so this is an essential component of healing. Every time I make progress in this arena, I find there is a new level of growing and learning. It is fascinating and very rewarding.
Part of this is understanding that when I have neck pain, it’s not just about the neck, for example. It is about the need for a new glasses prescription (I was leaning my neck to be able to see), long-term shoulder problems (not allowing my neck to heal), stress (tensing up without even knowing it), working too long of hours (putting added strain on my body), and more.
Reduce and maintain a lower weight that feels good. I could lose a couple more pounds to feel really good, but I’m pretty darn close. I’m much happier with my body today than I was a year ago. Though to the point above, it’s not just about the weight, it’s about the diet, the inflammation, the exercise, and the mental wellbeing.
How About You?
How have you done with the promises you’ve made to yourself this year? Have you stuck with them?
I’ve been receiving a lot of reader questions lately. It seem you all are pushing me to write again! Ok, I’m trying to clear off my work load so I can get back to writing. I miss it, too!
In the meantime, anyone have some good solutions for Sam?
Hi Melinda,
Do you have any suggestions on what one could use to freshen up a room or kitchen that is both cost effective and not damaging to ones health?
I use the store bought air fresheners but I am thinking they are probably not all that healthly am I right? There has to be another way? Any comments or advice would be great!
Regards,
Sam
I don’t really use air freshener, so any help you all have would be lovely!
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